Not to hate for Monday, December 15

The mullped.

Open letter to every EOHater out there

First off, fuck you. Because, well ... fuck you.

Fuck you rent and the fact I have to pay you. Fuck being underpaid. Fuck you scrummies who bum my smokes. Fuck smoking and fuck you MAX Patrol and your fluorescent fucking vests and stupid fucking word-paper tickets. Fuck parking citations and fuck paying to park. Fuck having fun and fuck paying attention. But most of all, fuck the bar lady who won't promptly bring me a drink, that washed-up BCBG shirt-wearing trollopy cunt in bright pink... and fuck your tip, too. Bitch.

Fuck you Mr. President and the fact that our country is now in such distress. Fuck your agenda, your house and those steers you fist-fuck at your ranch in Texas. Fuck socialites, Fuck your dad and your dog and your daughters the "drunk cunts" (On a personal note, I wouldn't fuck the Bush twins with John Canzano's dick). But most of all, fuck the south with all it's mongols and runts.

Fuck paying to watch sports and fuck ESPN. Fuck fetus-face Manning and the thick-thinged Jones-Drew. Fuck Bonds, fuck Texiera and fuck the Alous. Fuck Kobe, fuck Shaq and fuck the Lopei too! (If they are several, should we call Brook and Robin Lopez, the Lopai?) Fuck New York, and Philly and Boston to LA. Fuck the fact that the Portland Trail Blazers haven't won a championship in well ... too many days. Fuck you Zizou and your fucking head butt, but most of all fuck the fact that we gave away the World Cup.

Fuck cell phones and batteries, clothing and food. but most of all, fuck the fact that this fat fucking cup-o-noodle eatin' cracker ain't paid what he's due.

The crazy scale

Can you really trust someone who dives a car with more than two bumper stickers on it? The further up in number of bumper stickers, the further up the crazy scale he/she climbs. And here in Portland, bumper sticker overload runs rampant.



This needs to stop. Immediately. I don't care if you hate George Bush or love him. I don't care if love is all I need. I don't care if you're a Dead Head or love Dave. While I do find some bumper stickers entertaining while waiting for the light to change, is it really necessary to force us all to look at everything you hate and love all at once?

By the way, all those driving around with Kerry/Edwards stickers still attached to your '98 Subaru wagon, you fought a good fight, but it's time to let go. The election was four years ago. That said, we need more Obama '08 stickers.

Just a thought.

Enter before exit

I can't stand those people who are waiting outside an elevator door, or MAX stop, and insist on pushing their way onto the elevator, or train, before those exiting have a chance to step off. Hasn't anyone heard of effin' courtesy?!?! Doesn't it make sense to let those get off before you, to free up room for your pushy ass?



Turn your brain on idiots.

R.I.P. Giambi's stache

The world was a better place with it.



Slump or no slump, I do not promote the shaving of this beautiful soup strainer.

How not to pose with the Larry O'Brien trophy

Can't hate: Jason Giambi's mustache

No words necessary

This dude can go away any time now ...

Bill's wife

Love Bill, but can't stand this one.